Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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