Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
