I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
