what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
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