Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
