i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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