Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
