I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
