i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
