I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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