Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
