All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
