I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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