sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
