i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
