if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
