would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
