He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
