so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
