She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
