It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
