I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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