hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
