sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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