Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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