we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
