I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
