I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
