Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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