Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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