You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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