its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
