is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
