There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
