I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
