when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
