I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
