I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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