Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
