I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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