No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
why do cheetos always look like penises
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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