He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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