I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
