Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
