HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
