So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
