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she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
