4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
