When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
that is very illegal...i love you.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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