Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Dick very happy bro
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
