is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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