He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
