you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
