i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
