We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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