I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
